Laugh Away Your Sorrow!!

peter was writin writin economics exam whn he read a question n began 2 luk unda d table, his teacher caught him n seizd his paper
Teacher:-wht ar u doin..?
peter:-am lukin sir!
Teacher:-for wht?
peter:-d numba sir
teacher wht numba?
peter:-d question says ''use d numba below d table 2 solve d followin questions...
One word for peter pleas!

Lots Of Laughter

imagine u r a guy. u went out to buy a "CONDOM" den u said "give me "CON" den u realized dat ur pastor was beside u,wot will u add to d "CON" to save ur sef

Stealing From Houses

Kwame one day told Akpos about the robbery in their neighbourhood. He said, "The robbers have been attacking for a week now. They have robbed four houses including my house and they operate by jumping through fences." Then Akpos replied, "That's terrible! But thank God I'm lucky." Kwame then asked, "Why? Do you have a dog?" Akpos replied, "No, my house does not have a fence."

Fun Facts About You! (must Read)

You will laugh - enjoy reading :-) Five facts about You You You You You You You You You You You You You You You You You You You You You You You You You You You You You You You You You You You You You You You 1. You're so lazy You didn't read all the You's. 2. You didn't notice I put a Yoo. 3. You are now looking to find out. 4. You are laughing because you realize there is no 'Yoo' and you've been tricked. 5. You are going to forward this to others who are like 'You' I know at least 13 things about you now: 1. You are holding your phone or carrying your laptop 2. You are on Echioma.com Fun Facts Section 3. You are reading this message. 4. You are a beautiful creature. 5. You are a wonderful person. 7. I mean you! 8. You are laughing at yourself 9. You either have smiles on your face or you're thinking 'what is wrong with Nelly this time around?" 10. You skipped No.6 11. You just checked to see if there is a No.6 12. You are laughing at this because I caught you..

What Not To Put On Your Application For Employment

NAME:  Greg Bulmash

DESIRED POSITION:  Reclining.  Ha ha.  But seriously, whatever's available.   If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY:  $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package.  If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION:  Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD:  Target for middle-management hostility.
SALARY:  Less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT:
My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING:  It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK:  Any.

PREFERRED HOURS:  1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: 
Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?:
If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: 
Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: 
I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?:
I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?:  Only when set on fire.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?
Living in Bimini with a fabulously wealthy super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread.  Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?:  No, but I dare you to prove otherwise.

SIGN HERE:  Scorpio with Libra rising.

A Day in Hell

One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair he has his first meeting with a demon... Demon: Why so glum chum? Guy: What do you think? I'm in hell. Demon: Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here...you a drinkin' man? Guy: Sure, I love to drink. Love the drinks. Demon: Well you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays that's all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet tab, and fresca...we drink till we throw up and then we drink some more! Guy: Gee that sounds great. Demon: You a smoker? Guy: You better believe it! Love the smoking. Demon: Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer - no biggie - you're already dead remember? Guy: Wow...that's...awesome! Demon: I bet you like to gamble. Guy: Why yes as a matter of fact I do. Love the gambling. Demon: Cause Wednesday you can gamble all you want. Craps, Blackjack, Roulette, Poker, Slots, whatever... If you go Bankrupt...well you're dead anyhow. Demon: You into drugs? Guy: Are you kidding? Love drugs! You don't mean... Demon: That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want and if ya overdose - that's right - you're dead - who cares! O.D.!! Guy: Yowza! I never realized Hell was such a swingin' place!! Demon: You gay? Guy: Uh no. Demon: Ooooh (grimaces) you're really gonna hate Fridays.

Akpors the bad Samaritan

Akpors was in his limousine when he saw a man eating grass by the roadside. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. AKPORS: Why are you eating grass? POOR MAN: I don’t have any money for food. AKPORS: Oh, please come to my house! POOR MAN: But sir, I have a wife and four children… AKPORS: Bring them along! They all climbed into the limousine. They begin to leave POOR MAN: Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us in. AKPORS: No, problem. I like feeding the hungry. The grass at my house is over five feet tall, it will be enough for you and all of your family members!.”

Akpors the gold digger

Facebook Twitter Akpors was having a serious quarrel with his girlfriend one day, angrily he ordered “go pack all your clothes and…” he got interrupted by her ringing phone. She picked and put it on loud speaker because she was furious and pacing up and down; it was her elder brother in the UK saying he has paid £300,000 to her account and instructed her to withdraw £100,000 for her boyfriend. She thanked her brother and hung up, then she turned to her boyfriend Akpors and said ‘go ahead, you were saying I should pack my things?’ Akpors: Hehehe, my love, I was saying that I don’t like the fact we were quarreling, and that you should pack your things and give them to me so I’ll wash everything for you. One word for Akpors?

Akpors and the policeman

A policeman finds little Akpors wandering the streets lost one day and tries to help him trace his home. POLICE: Little boy, where do you live? AKPORS: With my parents. POLICE: Where do your parents live? AKPORS: With me. POLICE: (getting irritated) Where do you all live? AKPORS: Together. POLICE: Oh my goodness, so where is your house? AKPORS: Next to my neighbour’s house. POLICE: (angrily) Where is your neighbour’s house? AKPORS: hehehehe…if I tell you, you won’t believe me. POLICE: (feeling a bit relieved) I will, go ahead, tell me. AKPORS: Next to my house!!! Policeman gives up!

Akpors checks his result

Akpors no go kill person oh. He sent his JAMB registration number to his friend, Ochuke, to help him check his result at a cybercafe. After some minutes Ochuke sent him the breakdown of his result in a text message as follows: English – 12 Commerce – 39 Government – 41 Economics – 29 Aggregate – 121 Immediately he sent it Akpors called him back in a harsh tone; Akpors: Ochuke! which kain nonsense JAMB dey do self? Dis no b my result nah. Why dem com put Aggregate for me give me 121 on top wetin I no write, see my English wey I suffer write na only 12 dem give me; wetin be dis na? Ochuke: *speechless* And that was the day Ochuke completely gave up on his friend Akpors!

Akpors and the teacher’s brain

Atheist Teacher: Do you believe in God? Akpors: Of course sir. Atheist Teacher: Well have you ever seen God? Akpors: No Atheist Teacher: Then there is no God. Akpors: Hmnn, excuse me sir, but have you ever seen your brain? Atheist Teacher: What?? Of course not. Akpors: Then you have no Brain. One word for Akpors this time around?

Akpors’ logic

After writing the most awful exam in his life, Akpors offered his Professor a deal to save his grades: “If you can answer just one question, I will accept my final marks, if you can’t, you have to give me an ‘A’.” The Professor agreed. Akpors asked: “What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal and neither legal nor logical?” The Professor thought about it for hours and pondered but found no answer. He finally had to give up as he really did not know and he gave Akpors an “A”. The following day, professor asked same question to his students. He was shocked when all of them raised their hands. He picked one of them. The student answered: “Sir, you are 65, married to 28-year-old woman, this is legal, but not logical. “Your wife is having an affair with a 23-year-old boy, this is logical but not legal. “Your wife’s boyfriend has failed in his exam and yet you have given him an “A”, this is neither logical nor legal.” The professor fainted!

Unfortunate Akpos

kpors wanted to be rich and decided to seek help from a native doctor. The native doctor told him that he will be the richest man on earth on the condition that he will be mad for one full year; a very difficult condition but the results will be amazing he explained. Akpors thought about it for a while and then agreed. Akpors became mad and was roaming the street for eleven months and thirty days remaining just one day for his plight to be over, but unfortunately for him, a pastor from no where came and cast the spirit of madness out of him! If you were Akpors, what would you do to this pastor?

Akpos The terrible Househelp

A lady was in need of a house boy, Papa Akpors had gotten fed up of Akpors’ wahala that he decided to offer up his son. The lady said to Papa Akpors: I need someone who will be obedient and not pry into my business or talk about whatever I do in my house, I also need him to be smart, does your son have these qualities? Papa Akpors: Oh yea, Akpors is a sharp boy, just test him. Then the lady said to Akpors, “young man, how do i look?” Akpors looked at her well and replied: “you look like a prostitute”. The lady turned to his father and said “I can’t take such a rude boy”. The father pleaded with her to wait a little, he took Akpors to the back of the house and gave him 10 strokes of can, then he said to him: “insult that lady one more time and i will give you 10 more strokes of the cane. He took Akpors back to the lady and said “please madam ask him another question. Lady: If i come home with a man, who is he? Akpors: Your husband. Lady: 2 men? Akpors: Your husband and his brother. Lady: 3 men? Akpors: Your husband, his brother and your brother. Lady: 4 men? Akpors: (turns to his father) Papa, abeg, bring your cane and give me 20 more strokes, I already told you, this woman is a PROSTITUTE oh!

Akpors 10k

Akpors chatting with his Girlfriend: Girlfriend: Hi Akpors: How are u? Girlfriend: I’m not alright. Akpors: Ooh, you know i love you…what is the problem? Girlfriend: Please, can you send me just 10k. Akpors: For what? Girlfriend: I want to use it to buy some clothes and bags. Akpors: Hmmmm, that’s my girl. Take it…K,K,K,K,K,K,K,K,K & K. Please confirm that the ‘Ks’ are up to 10, or do you want More?

Akpors applies for a job

Akpors’ Job Application: Dear Sir, APPLICATION FOR EMPLOYMENT I refer to the recent death of the accountant at your office and hereby apply for the job as a replacement of the dead accountant. Each time I apply for employment, I get a reply that there is no vacancy but in this case, I have caught you red handed and you have no excuse because while I was in my hometown for holidays I heard the good news about his death so i quickly rushed back to attend the funeral to be sure that he was truly dead before applying. Attached to my letter is a copy of my CV and his obituary as proof of vacancy. You can’t swerve me this time. Give me the job. Thank you, Yours Truly, Akpors Akpororo If you were the employer, would you consider giving him the job?

Akpors and Aboki

Akpors was hungry and went to ‘mai shayi’ (men selling tea and bread). The following dialogue transpired between them: Akpors: You get loaf of bread? Aboki: yes Akpors: bring one; slice am into two and put two sachet of butter in between Aboki: (happy and thanking God for bringing customer, is quickly doing as he is instructed). Akpors: You get egg? Aboki: yes customer Akpors: fry 6 eggs put am inside the bread. Aboki: Okay customer Akpors: You get sardine? Aboki: yes customer everything dey. Akpors: put two sardine inside the bread. Aboki: Okay customer (happy and doing as he is told, already enthusiastic he’ll make a lot of money) Akpors: you don finish? Oya press the bread together for me. Aboki: See am customer, i don prepare am finish. Akpors: OYA CUT N10 Naira OWN FOR ME! If you were the guy what would you do to Akpors?

Akpors and his three wishes

Akpors was strolling by a river bank. Suddenly, the river goddess came out from the middle of the river: Goddess: You are in luck today wanderer. I will give you the chance to wish for three things and they shall all come to pass. Akpors who was apparently scared upon seeing the goddess, became very delighted and immediately made his first wish; Akpors: I need a Jeep! (puff! The Jeep appeared) Goddess: Two more wishes. Akpors: (visibly elated) I need a big “Ghana must go bag” full of money. (Puff! A large bag filled with money appeared) Goddess: Now, your last wish. Akpors: (salivating at the thought of his last request) Make me very irresistible to women! (Puff! The Goddess suddenly turns Akpors into a BRAZILIAN HAIR!)

LOLs:- Akpors The fool

Akpors was having an argument with his Wife when out of annoyance she called him a fool. Akpors got angry and said, “I cannot be called a fool by a woman, no matter who she is, not even my wife. She must therefore leave my house!” Neighbours intervened and the matter was resolved. But the Wife still nursed anger. Later that night, it rained heavily. It was so cold that Akpors wanted to perform his manly duty. Sneaking his hands to touch his Wife’s laps in the dark, the Wife knowing fully well that this was the best time to get back at Akpors for his quarrel during the day shouted, “WHO IS THAT FOOL?!” Akpors replied, “It is me!”

Akpors is Searching

Akpors: Hi babe, wasup? Girl: I’m cool thanks! Akpors: You are welcome, i’ll like to know you wella Girl: i’m Titi-baby, 19, slim & dark from Lasgidi. Akpors: Babe you’re the kind of girl I like. Akpors continues: babe actually, my name is James Ovie Akpororo but my friends call me Akpors. I am 59 years old, I live in No16 Church street, Oshodi, Lagos. I have a supermarket @ 12 Femi Johnson street, Mushin, Lagos. Babe I like dating young girls like you. You can call me on 08028264598. Girl: But oga you are a family man. How will your wife & daughter feel if they see me with you. Or don’t u think its wrong? Akpors: Babe don’t even mention my useless daughter & her wayward mother here. They’re on their own & i have my life to live. Girl: its ok then. But do you care to know more about me? Akpors: Babe give me your full detail including your bank account number Girl: Well, my full name is Augustina James Akpororo, I’m in an ss3 student of Gov’t School. My mum’s name is Gladys Akpororo, she sells fish @mushin. My father’s name is James Ovie Akpororo, he is a gateman @oshodi where we live. Akpors: Tina, so it is you! Girl: Papa, so it is you! Akpors: Your mother must hear this Girl: Papa, mama is here oh, she said she will be waiting for you and you will get it hot when you come back.